4/24/2011

Mom; Unwanted


I need to feel needed.
I want to be wanted.
I also appreciate any time in which I can spend alone (which isn’t many.)

I am the type of mother who always has that constant lingering of guilt no matter what I do. I feel guilty if I find myself caught up with the everyday chores and have to "neglect" my children while I dust. Then, on the flip side, I know that as my children get older and more capable of entertaining their own time, that I must learn to back down. So I step aside and allow them to play amongst themselves, but I cannot help but to feel guilty (and a little hurt) that I am not aloud to participate. It's a constant inner battle. I usually lose.
My oldest son has just recently turned five. It seems as though overnight he went from an infant who needs me to assist him with everything- to a five year old who's pride is hindered if he has to ask me for help. And what bothers me the most? The fact that he doesn't need mommy.

Where did my little boy go? And when did it happen?

I try to stand tall; but secretly my heart breaks when he chooses to run and catch up with a classmate than walk and hold mommy's hand.

I try to find a middle-ground and participate in activities that he is interested in. But I am not as cool, or as action-packed as a friend or an action figure or a video game.

I try to remember that he is growing up and it is par for the course. But I cannot help but to look at old photographs when he was only a baby himself.

The other day, he fell and bumped his head on the wall. He sat on my lap for about an hour and I embraced every moment (even when I knew he was milking it). When he was "all better" he gave me a hug, stood up and told me he loved me. He then went back to playing and got lost in "his" moment. It was wonderful while it lasted and has been fused into my memory.

Next year he starts Kindergarten. Before I know it he will be off to college (at least he better be). It is amazing how fast time flies. Some say a human baby takes forever to develop compared to animals and such. In hindsight, it is in a blink of an eye. I have learned not take it so personally, and that when he needs me he will seek me out. It takes some time to adjust. However, I will be there for him the next that he needs his mother and embrace each moment that he allows me to hold onto his babyhood.

How am I going to handle it when baby number three grows up?

23 comments:

  1. Thank you for following me from the Mom Blog hop. I know just how you feel next year I will have 3 of the 4 in school. My 6 year old asked me just this morning, "what are you going to do when we are all in school" Then she thought about it and decided "I'd be alone". Thank a lot! :)

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  2. Oh, this just breaks my heart! My little dude is just about to grow out of his needs-mama phase and I'm already getting sad about it. Waaaaah!

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  3. I know exactly what you mean! I too, like to feel wanted...but at the same time, I want to let my child learn independence, which means I need to step back. But on the other hand, kids are only little for so long.....just try to enjoy every moment!

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  4. Following from the blog hop. I hope you can follow me back
    http://kimpjourney.blogspot.com/
    I have gone through the same gambit myself. I've been at home for the past 5 years with my 5 year old and 3 year old. I love them dearly, but sometimes need a break. Then I feel guilty and the cycle never ends. I think it is all just part of being a mom.

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  5. Oh Mama,

    I know exactly what you mean! I have those feelings of guilt all the time - it's a contant inner battle. We do ahve to let them go & grow-up it's definitely in their best interest but it does hurt when you begin to realize that this little person you have done EVERYTHING for over the last few years - suddently does not need and/or want your help all the time.

    Luckily, they are still young enough that they do need us more than they realize - it will give us time to adjust to the whole thing!

    It's funny though bc somedays they make me crazy & I want a break - but when I get one - I miss them like crazy! Go figure!

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  6. Following you back, thanks!
    I've been a SAHD for the past year (not by choice unfortunatley), and it's really been great to watch my 10 year old Daughter become more independent every day. Then I realized, she doesn't really need me anymore! She would get up, get her own cereal, pour her own milk. So I moved the bowls too high for her to reach, and moved the milk to the back of the fridge. Now she needs me again!

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  7. I know, I know, I know!!! I was nodding the whole time I was reading this!

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  8. I know exactly what you mean. And my son just turned 5 and it's a whole new world, isn't it?

    I'm stopping by from the Alexa Hop. I'm a new follower.

    PS Mom Reviews

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  9. Graet blog! I am your newest follower from the Alexa Hop. Hope you can make it over to www.crunchyfrugalista.com

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  10. It is so hard watching our kids grow up! Makes me want to cry!

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  11. :/ They grow up too fast, that is for sure. I think that is why we have so many, I LOVE having those little ones around me.

    Jenilee from Six in the Nest visiting from the Alexa Hop. :)

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  12. I know exactly how it is. My daughters are a couple weeks from being 3 and 5 years old and my oldest will be going into kindergarten too. It doesn't even seem like it has been that long.

    Stopping by from the alexa hop. I am a new follower!

    www.adeliciousobsession.com

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  13. I think all moms can relate! I try to just think of the next milestone my daughter is about to cross and everything she might accomplish- and that makes me excited about her future! (following you from the alexa blog hop!) http://chasesview.blogspot.com

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  14. It's a double edged sword, for sure. On one hand you're pleased to see them develop into independence, yet on the other, you still wish you could do (almost) everything for you. I'd imagine it's only gonna get harder too. :/
    ~K
    bigklittlea.com

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  15. Hello, here from the Alexa Hop. I am always saying to my daughter...Can I shrink you? Of course, the answer is always no...but I want to...I seriously want to! She's 13 and those 13 yrs have gone way too fast! I want to dress her up and put her hair in pretties. I want to cuddle w/her in bed like I used to...although I have to say, there are nights we will curl up watching TV together in bed. She loves the 11pm news so we get to watch that together...but it's not like when she fell asleep in my arms. I want to take her places we didn't make it to when she was small. I know...I am dreaming and the best I can hope for now is a grandchild some day.

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  16. I still love it when my big boy who is 4 milks his boo boos.. It makes me feel so loved :)

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  17. I can't believe how fast the first two years of my daughter's life has gone...multiply it by seven and she's a TEENAGER!
    Ack.
    I think I will go cry now.

    Stopping by with my Alexa toolbar! ;-)
    Johanna at Mama Chocolate
    Family life, tips for mom, reviews, giveaways and more!

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  18. I always feel the guilt because I am a full time mom and then I also blog at home. very nice post. I can totally relate.

    Visiting from the Alexa hop.
    http://momdaughterstyle.blogspot.com/

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  19. I can completely relate to this... my little girl is at a time where I'm not as cool as everyone else. So my baby decides to leave me for the "best" at the moment.
    But your dollars she better go to college ;D
    I'd love for you to check me out at School Lunch- Worth it or Not? if you haven't already :D

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  20. Stopping by from the Alexa hop. It hurts a little when they start growing up. I've heard boys stop accepting kisses sooner than girls. I have two girls, but the older one is almost to the point of no more kisses.

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  21. Time flies - my daughter just turned 6 and my youngest is already 10 months - I can't believe it!! Just stopping by from the Alexa Blog Stop. Have a great weekend.

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  22. Oh momma I feel your pain!! My oldest is 7 and I WISH he needed me for things! Although he still calls me Momma and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside:) My 5 year old starts kindy in the fall as well and is becoming so independent. Thankfully he still needs help with tying his shoes and buttoning his pants LOL!!
    I am not sure what I will do when my 9 month old grows up and heads off to school!!! *Sigh*

    Following from the Alexa Hop! Hope you will come visit and return the follow!! I liked your blog as well! :)
    Stacie
    www.loveyoualwaysgiveaways.com

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  23. I totally know where you're coming from! Trust me, you're not alone in these emotions!!

    Stopping by from the Alexa hop...would love if you could visit:
    http://www.keenlykristin.com/2011/04/american-idol-nearing-finale.html

    Thanks!
    Kristin :)

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Aimee ~Classified: Mom

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